So You Think Your Are Indispensible, Get Motivated!

 

by Gina Gardiner

 

We all need to feel of value. We all gain that sense of value in different ways. None of them are wrong in themselves but the meaning we give to situations can have a profound impact on how we operate with others and how we feel about ourselves. Understanding what motivates us and how different styles of behaviour can impact on others allows us to make a choice. We can choose to continue as we are or to take steps to change things.

Many people are motivated by their need to be of use. Their sense of who they are and sense of self worth is dependent on being needed. Indeed many people fear the time when they will no longer be needed by their children or their work.

Many of my clients feel that they are totally indispensable to their staff and clients yet leave their partners and families feeling alone and ignored. There appears to be a very different sense of what is important at work and at home. It is the source of great distress and heartache to partners and families. The clients focus far more time and energy on their colleagues and clients, partners feel hurt and rejected.

As the client returns home they are met with the outpouring of frustration and hurt and a cycle of destructive behaviour becomes entrenched.

Clients who are in a long term relationship feel their partners are making demands which they cannot meet because their work is important; indeed it is what supports the family. Tension and difficulty are compounded by poor communication and harsh words.

Clients who are not in a long term relationship feel lonely and unsatisfied so turn to work to fill the gap. That is fine in the short term but when work finally ends the success is empty without anyone to share it with.

So where do you focus most of your time and energy?

How often do you find yourself making excuses to your family because you had to work late? If you had to choose between working late or going home to your partner which one usually takes priority? When did you get on with work late into the evening or at a weekend rather than meeting friends or taking time to find a relationship?

For a moment think about your life. Imagine yourself at the end of your life looking back over the years. Imagine how life will be if you carry on behaving exactly as you do now. What effect has it had on your relationships? Have you enjoyed a wonderful passionate and satisfying relationship with your partner? If you have children how has your behaviour of now impacted on them? What legacy are you leaving them? Do they feel loved and a sense of closeness to you? When work finished what were you left with? What was left when you stopped being the professional you?

Now think about your ideal life.

What is really important to you? Who are your true priorities? What needs to change for you to achieve the life you aspire to? What legacy do you want to leave?

If you take your partner or your children for granted you run the very real danger that you will loose them both. Take a long hard look at how you behave and what beliefs are underpinning those behaviours.

How ever indispensable we may think we are at work, the reality is actually very different. If you were to be carried away tomorrow, if you were run over by a bus or whisked away on a magic carpet, life would go on. Oh there would be a few awkward days where your colleagues had difficulty in understanding your filing system and your diary but even the best loved and respected are soon replaced. The ripples in the pond quickly disappear without trace when you throw in a stone. You are far more likely to leave a lasting legacy when you involve and train your team and you manage strategically, sharing your vision and developing leadership systematically so that your immediate presence is not actually needed.

If you suddenly became unavailable tomorrow how would your work team manage? What information, skills, understanding, contacts would be missing? How much of your time do you spend managing strategically? What succession management do you have in place?

Is it time to change your focus? To think how you can be dispensable on a day to day basis but indispensable as a strategist and as a role model and mentor. Working hard and smart and creating a fantastic family life in the bargain. This is one time when you can have your cake and eat it too.

 

Hope you enjoyed the article,

Nathan
MonsterChange.net

MOTIVATION – The Art of Positive Thinking

by Anne-Marie RONSEN

Everyone has goals. And you are probably no exceptions. You may have work and career-related goals like promotions, expanded responsibilities, and recognition as an expert in your industry. These are all fine, but be sure you don’t just focus on your job. Many people come to identify their success in life by their position in their job and the recognition they get there. If they become disabled or sick, or if they retire, they suddenly find that they don’t know themselves anymore. They have no identity at work so they don’t know who they are. They may have lost family and friends or have become strangers to these people, unaware of the important events that happened at home while they were at work.

So, they have to get to know themselves and their loved ones all over again. For some, this is an impossible task.

Be sure you set personal goals, family goals and general goals in your life for growth and happiness. Whether it is going on for a Masters Degree in the fine art you love, learning how to fly a plane, or playing the piano, you should have goals that keep you involved in other parts of your life.

Try writing your goals for each day and make number 1 focusing on happy thoughts for 5 minutes. Whatever you know you need to do for that single day, write it on your list. Time management is such a simple tool that really can make a difference to our happiness but most people just don’t utilize it.

Tick items off as you do them and this will make you feel a sense of achievement and happiness.

At the end of the day be thankful for all you managed to get done. Feel pleased with yourself and give yourself a pat on the back for jobs well done. The more you do this, the more it will come naturally and the happier you’ll feel.

Occasionally something will come up that has to take a priority and be dealt with quickly. Just add it to your list, get on with it and then tick it off.

What if there are items still on your list, at the end of the day? Don’t get stressed about it just schedule them for tomorrow. You don’t even need to work through the list methodically from 1 to ? – just do what you can, when you can and cross it off. You’ll soon learn just how much you can really do in a single day and then you’ll make your lists accordingly. Most of us start off writing long lists of things to do and sometimes get frustrated that we can never finish everything – be realistic. Your lists will never end – there’ll always be something that you need to do even if it’s sitting down to watch your favourite TV show.

Everyone already knows that having a sense of humor always helps us get through the day. It’s always better to be able to laugh your way through difficulties but it’s not so easy, for some, to be able to do! Consider this though – how often has stress and anger stopped you from thinking clearly and being able to solve any problem? Most people just ‘give up’ and think that’s that only to find, that a couple of days later, the answer dawns on them when they weren’t even thinking about the problem anymore.

Why? Because as soon as they stop stressing about it, their mind is still quietly working away on finding a solution and as soon as it finds it, it throws it into your conscious mind. Now at this point most people make the mistake of completely ignoring the solution because they’ve moved on to another set of problems!

You need to start by deciding what is really a problem – most people think everything is a problem nowdays! Even trying to work out when you can take a 15 minute coffee break is considered a problem and what you’ll wear for that night out Saturday, is considered a problem. Come on people – these are not really problems yet you’re allowing them to fill up your mind and use valuable disc space. Forget the chatter stuff that’s going through your head and start asking yourself the right questions. When the answer, to your real problem(s) pops into your mind you need to be ready to act on it.

We all want to follow what our heart desires but all too often our heart’s desire changes hourly and our poor minds just don’t know what it is you actually want. This morning it’s a 15 minute coffee break. This afternoon it’s a new sports car that you saw go by whilst waiting at the bus stop on your way home from work. This evening it’s just a quiet evening with no interruptions. Tomorrow it’s that the boss will give you a hefty pay rise. Next week it’s a fancy holiday to an exotic location. Next month it’s a new home. The lists go on and on…….

We’re all guilty of it but you really need to learn to focus and differentiate between day dreams, wishes and real goals and solutions to real problems. Let the chatter go on quietly in the background but make sure you ask yourself the main question each and every day until you get the answer you need.

It does take courage to face your fears but if you ever want to conquer them and deal with them then you really must face them and the sooner the better. Stop letting life just happen to you! Take control, deal with what really needs dealing with and stop sweating the small stuff that really isn’t as important as you may have initially thought.

Appreciate and be grateful for what you already have rather than worrying about what you don’t have.

Remember art of positive thinking is one of the best things you can learn to do and it actually works. It really is possible for you to really begin changing you life using ‘mind over matter’. Start seeing life differently! And Think Like a Winner!

 

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Hope you enjoyed the article,

Nathan
CompForLife.com